


Least Wanted

by eClair23



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 18:51:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17648030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eClair23/pseuds/eClair23
Summary: Tina's still struggling with what Graves said to her in the battle with the Obscurus...





	Least Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> I think this line is flown over far too quickly in the movie, and I do think that Tina is deeply insecure about whether or not she's wanted, especially after hearing that from her coworker/friend.

“Tina. You’re always turning up where you are least wanted.”

His words rang in her head incessantly, day and night. Every word another nail in that coffin. If she was being honest with herself, his words had been floating around in her head for years before he had said anything. But now, to have someone else tell her that, it reinforced every insecurity, every fear, all the loneliness she'd been carrying even since her days at Ilvermorny. And it hurt more than she would ever admit. 

No one should see how much she hurt. No one would care anyway. She wasn't wanted, and she had known that, deep down, ever since her parents’ deaths. She and Queenie had no place to go after their parents died, so they wound up on their own, struggling with the upkeep required for a brownstone in New York City, which only contributed to her sense of loneliness.

It wasn’t Queenie’s fault, but there was something incredibly isolating in the fact that the only available confidante already knew everything she was going to say. Queenie tried to be a good listener, but it was hard for Tina to want to confide in her when Queenie already knew everything, regardless of whether or not Tina wanted it that way.

But now her former boss (and, she realized, friend)’s words pounded incessantly in every crevice of her mind, day and night. His words even wound through her dreams every now and then. Some nights, when the pounding of those words just wouldn't cease, she cried herself to sleep. And Queenie heard. Tina was grateful for someone who saw and understood the full picture, but still, Queenie could only do so much. And those words kept reverberating ceaselessly in Tina’s mind, all the while.

Until Newt came around, Queenie noticed. Once he came into their lives, hopeful thoughts started taking up residence in Tina’s mind as often, if not more so, than the negative thoughts she was so prone to. Tina started thinking a little more highly of herself. She stopped looking in the mirror and hating every little imperfection about herself because she knew there were three people who loved and accepted her, flaws and all. 

Queenie watched her sister observe her reflection and smiled warmly, sensing her feeling of content. If Newt hadn’t come around to New York, Tina never would have fully understood friendship, love, acceptance. And for that she was forever grateful. But there were still thoughts that ran so deep not even Queenie, Newt, and Jacob could gloss over them. 

Her scars ran deep, and perhaps they would never completely heal. That’s the thing about scars: they heal, but they never completely disappear. Newt told her that, the first time she saw how deep his scars ran: from his expulsion from Hogwarts, and all the hurt Leta Lestrange had inflicted on him unapologetically. 

Pretty early on in their courtship, Tina had gently asked to hear about his schooldays and his expulsion. He had agreed, albeit a little reluctantly. They’d both cried. 

He cried talking about the deep loneliness he felt at school before finding Leta, and even during their friendship, and the ways she had manipulated him, leaving him lonelier than ever before. 

She cried as he told her how he had taken the fall for Leta, and as a result, had been expelled. She wept for his selflessness, for his pure, unadulterated kindness, even to those who had hurt him irreparably. She wept because she understood that he saw the good in her, that when his eyes met hers, he saw exactly what she wanted him to see: the beauty that she concealed so deeply inside, scared for anyone to know her deeply enough to see it fully. 

And he told her that although his wounds were in the past, his scars still stung. She understood completely. Scars healed over, but they never quite disappeared. They were always present, sometimes faint, sometimes fresh, but constantly present. 

To demonstrate his point, he pulled his shirt away from his shoulder and showed her the first scar he received from a creature. It was a faint white, so faint she almost couldn't see it. He explained that some scars were like that, barely visible. You had to look closely to find them, and to do that, you had to really care about someone. She delicately traced the line on his skin, lips pursed in concentration. 

But later in their courtship, Newt asked her about her schooldays. And he smiled at her, that sad smile that knew she was hurting, and hurt with her. And she agreed to tell him, the honest truth. 

She told him everything, how she knew from the moment she arrived that Queenie would fit in much better than she would. And since she was older, she lived at Ilvermorny for two years before Queenie joined her. Everything familiar had been ripped out from under her, and she was completely and utterly alone in the world. And no one seemed to care. 

At first, her eleven year old self timidly attempted to reach out to the other first years, hoping someone would make some kind of effort toward her. Despite all of her efforts, however, Tina was always the one reaching out, crying desperately to be loved, and no one seemed to be able to hear her screaming. Either that, or no one cared. They remained deaf to her pleas. 

And here, Newt cried. He cried as he held her, because he knew what it was to feel the gnawing ache of loneliness, the nights where he cried himself to sleep, the gradual descent into withdrawal to avoid being hurt. 

But, he had to remind himself, those days were over, for both of them. So he held her tighter as sobs wracked her whole body and the tears silently trickled down his face into her dark hair. He buried his face in her hair, taking in her scent. She smelled faintly of chocolate, which he assumed came from the countless cups of cocoa she consumed daily. He murmured encouragements faintly into her hair, making promises he swore he'd never break, for both of their sakes. He reassured her of his love, of his desire to pursue her, of his unconditional acceptance of her and everything about her. 

And with every encouraging and uplifting word he said to her, one of her negative thoughts was pushed aside, making space for this new and bright positivity. 

He looked her directly in the eye now, when he spoke to her. “Tina, I want you to look at me, all right?” He gently lifted her chin so she was on eye level. “Look, I know you don’t feel like you’re worth loving, right?” 

She nodded hesitantly. 

“I get that, honestly I do, but Tina, I need you to understand that you are worth everything to me. Of course you aren’t perfect, I don’t expect you to be and I won’t ask that of you because I can’t be the same in return. Tina, I don’t see perfection when I look at you, but I do see someone who is worth loving. And I know you’re scared to let me love you, because I’m scared to let you love me. But can we just agree to work through this together? I’m willing to love you if you’re willing to let me. And I won’t do it perfectly, but I’d like to try. Is that alright with you?” His eyes sought hers eagerly. 

She nodded almost imperceptibly. Then suddenly, he was kissing her, and holding her with more tenderness than she had ever thought possible. And with his every touch, he conveyed the immense value he saw in her, and the absolute good he always managed to see in her, ever gentle, ever committed to pouring into her, no matter what she gave back. And he let her decide when to pull back, always empowering her. And she pulled back, breathing in and resting her forehead against his, gentle tears forcing their way down her face. 

“Look at me,” he requested quietly. She obliged, hurriedly wiping her tears. “Tina. I love you. All right? I need you to understand just how much I love you.” Her eyes were swollen and red, with all the crying she’d been doing lately, and he silently vowed never to be the reason for those tears. He tenderly swiped the tears out from under her eyes. “I have something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. Is now a good time?”

She nodded, regaining her composure. 

Without warning, Newt dropped to one knee, right in front of her. She gasped. 

“Tina, I told you once that people change. I didn’t know it then, but you had already changed me, in the short week we had together. Tina, dear, you didn’t just change my life for the better, you transformed it into something I wanted to keep living. I love you, more than I ever thought possible. You saved my life, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” He fumbled for the ring in his pocket, taking hold of it triumphantly.

Tina nodded eagerly. A radiant smile broke out over her face as she declared, “Yes.” 

Newt gently took her hand in his and slid the ring onto her finger, then pulled her into a tight embrace. Her body shook with tears of absolute, unbridled joy.

Newt held her in front of him to examine her, noting the tear tracks painted on her face. 

“Please don’t cry, alright? This is a happy moment, Tina.” 

She laughed shakily, “I know, Newt. And I promise you I’ve never been happier.”

“Then why are you crying?” He asked, concerned.

“I think I’m finally starting to see myself the way you do.” And in that moment, she swore she’d never smiled wider in her life. And he grinned incredulously back at her.

Her brain had never been so cluttered, and yet, she had never felt more at ease. Never before had she had so many positive thoughts to battle her negative thoughts. Never before had reasons to find herself beautiful beat out her insecurity and pain. But never had she seen Newt coming, someone who looked at her with such love and respect. Someone who, whenever he looked at her, she was confident saw the absolute best in her. She wasn’t perfect by any means, but she was learning to see herself through the glass through which Newt saw her: love. And he wasn’t perfect either, not by any means at all, but he taught her how to be loved, and that changed everything.


End file.
